Day 458

Ary Nunez SHOWTIME: LOVES! LET'S BE RESPONSIBLE AND GRATEFUL TO OUR GODLIKE QUALITIES. ADVERSITIES ARE THE EXERCISE TO LIGHTNESS AND THE GREATNESS THIS LIFETIME WARRANTS WILL UNFOLD AS MIRACLES WELL DESERVED


Today I joined Krank Systems owned by Pete Isip

heres a link to his website


and two videos showcasing some of the disgusting vile things he makes people do.







today I had a resistance band wrapped around my ankles limiting my mobility and i had to take 20 steps forward and backward and 20 steps to the right and 20 steps to the left and then do it twice.

UM sounds so easy right.


My ass muscles, and I call them muscles not just my ass because I felt every last one of them, were experiencing a pain never so bizarre and wretched as experienced today. This is coming from a guy who is gay and has had solid, big and oddly shaped foreign objects - mostly penises but still - inserted INSIDE his anal cavity... And this hurt more.


okay thats a gross joke but it had to be said.

if that weren't enough I went through a series of squats and lunges and some push ups and crunches and then more squats and more push ups and more lunges. i then hung from suspension bands and pulled myself up... i'm too flummoxed to try to figure out the proper verbiage for this exercise. It was horrible. I told myself I couldn't do it... and then i remember when my father told me "ya know me an your mom are probably going to get divorced and i'm probably going to marry (his then girlfriend, who i'm not naming)" I said "yeah" and then he asked "do you think she's pretty". I wanted to jump out of the car at 75 miles an hour. I was so angry. Why the fuck did he want to know if I thought she was pretty? I didn't care if she was Cindy Crawford, she's not prettier than my mom and I wanted them to stay together.


so in the middle of me pulling myself up in the hell that is this wretched exercise - i'm thinking about this - something came over me and I said - Carlos, you got through that - you can get through this. And I finished the set and didn't give up. I paced myself and breathed through it and did it.




and then I went to the bathroom and threw up.



LMAO

hear my heartbeat

and i think somewhere in between palisades park and paterson i realised he was digging me
lol
and i as time is going on realizing that im starting to really dig him
and blah blah it wasn't a real date
it was just a hang out thing
but it was unexpected
ah ok. i get it now
well you had a cute little moment
you gonna follow up?
or did he?
he hasn't!!!!
lol
we talked after we got home over text and thru IM
:/
that's a good enough follow up
yeah but he hasn't yet so far today
lol
any kinda communication counts
well its still kinda early
as long as a week doesn't go by
true
a WEEK!?!?!?!!?
oh no
i think thats rude
it is
but i was exaggerating
anything more than 24 hours is rude
aw i feel the same
when it comes to lovey dovey
not friend stuff
i'll ignore an annoying bitch
but then i'll feel sorry for them
cause im a softie
nah it can't be lovey dovey
but i feel like when its established that you like someone u should just be in touch i guess
what a crazy world we live in and the rules i make up in my own head....

There was a time when love grew in silence over months without a word from your loved one. Separated by miles or weather or war and without the scent or sound or words of your loved one, just the memory of what's burning up inside.


and besides - wouldn't those people be annoyed if they ended up having to be in constant communication with their loves?

In Search of Schrodinger's Cat: Quantum Physics and Reality by John Gribbin

The Fabric of the Cosmos: Space, Time, and the Texture of Reality by Brian Greene

Einstein for the 21st Century His Legacy in Science, Art, and Modern Culture



I am not sold on the 3rd one. Its more like a survey of different achievements and mistakes Einstein made rather than a thorough analyisis of his work.

Consequences Day 400

Consequences day 400

I've been here before. no literally here in this spot. This place on the earth. Unless this earth has moved from and back to and away from again from this spot.

In the library on campus. I've been here before when I could've been in class. I woke up late and arrived on campus with 60 minutes left of lecture. I walked up to the door, I peered in the window, I saw more people than usual, less empty seats, I saw peole being interested, people being bored and I didn't want to shift the energy back on to me.

I'm a chicken.


I came to the library to write this. I looked up 4 books on Quantum Mechanics. I am like a label whore for my reading and music interests. I like to pretend to read and listen to smart people topics but I really feel so average and like an idiot. Oh well, these books are written for the non scientist so i think it will be fine.

Day 397

i go to a playlist point of view

mariah's ballads


1. Vision of Love
2. Love Takes Time
3. Hero
4. Without You
5. My All
6. We Belong Together
7. H.A.T.E.U
8. Fly Like a Bird
9. Don't Forget About Us
10. Help Me Make It Through the Night
11. Bliss
- angel prelude -
12. Slipping Away
13. Thanx 4 Nothin
14. Imperfect
15. Reflections
16. Can't Let Go
17. Anytime You Need a Friend
18. Music Box

everything i'm touching is created before and after i created it. It sits and continues to create

every moment I'm having, I already had and will always have.

not to get too heady cuz i won't be able to complete the thought tonight.
consequences... when faced with a way to my dreams, I doubt it. faced with its ever presence, i cower in its enormity marveling in its insignificance

I met a guy today who turned out to turn me upside down. But i am him? who's wiggling?



references : Radiolab.org beyond time episode

http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/episodes/2005/03/04

WNYC - Radiolab: Beyond Time (March 04, 2005)

annoying ramblings

Day 370

I tend to not read.
Such common reading materials I use, NY Times, Hemingway, Jane Austen, articles, poems, I catch in passing I tend to draw out lengthy explanations and wordy responses to original thoughts and I use a lot of words to say virtually nothing at all. Saying it in order to just announce that i will be saying something at the end of this non-incendiary statement. For what its worth the way I think, and the way I take in information can trouble me too much to the point that my emotional comprehension moves at such a rate faster than my practical comprehension that I am often drawn to move out of line wiht my own thoughts or action. Perpetual distraction .
So thats one reason I don't read.
The other is I tend to abhor the tedious drivel of most self centered narcissistic writers, such as myself and the problem is I can't seem to ignore the underlying narrative of a writer unknowingly exposing himself and his real intentions while presenting a piece of investigated, or at the very least, seriously contemplated piece of thought. I hear the intention behind their presumptions, and I'm left to recognize that every writer has to seek out evidence of the ideas they already gave birth to a thousand times over. Seeking out the brilliance of mastered words can reaffirm my own brilliance.
and here in an attempt to dispel another person's mistake in reading, I found my own fault in not doing so.
Thirdly tho I would make the point that often finding out the truth of a writer's intention can make it hard to take their shroud statement seriously. So I tend to not read highly political pieces in restraint from leaving the group to then absorb myself into an anti-group group. Political unity never gets truly examined. its always one political platform hiding behind any interest with the broadest potential market, supplanting their agenda with supportive evidence and swaying materials that support their main issue.
At the end of it, I feel like the ideas I've had in my head, that are just there as a product of the ideas that have always existed, ideas that we all share, individually our own, and collectively shared, are never fully expressed as perfectly as they are in my own head.

so i'm kind of like a one man communist nation.