wow. a whole week not working out sucked.
Last monday I fell asleep in the parking lot of the gym and it set an unfortunate lazy precedent for the rest of the week.
but that's enough of that.
last night I slept over his place and took him to the airport this morning. He's off for 5 days and I'm jealous. wondering who he spoke to on the phone last night and said "i love you" to... he kept calling that person "boo"... i dunno --
he did call me babe last night. And he was silly with me. And kept looking at me like he did when we first met - I am being ridiculous thinking something else is going on besides exactly what is going on. I have a casual relationship with him -- but its deeper than that.
after we had sex -- i said "that was fun" and he said "more than fun"...
and we fell asleep...
so this morning
I
squat/push up superset
4 sets of 12 reps squat 1st set 95lbs - 3 sets 115 lbs.
4 sets of 15 push ups
II
RDL/shoulder press
3 sets of 10 RDL 95lbs
3 sets of 12 20lb dumbells
III Cable row/pullup/split squat
3 sets row 12 reps at 27.5 plate
9 pull ups
30 split squat
i feel ok. I only ran for 5 minutes in the beginning
I miss him a lot right now.... last night was probably one of the best so far...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
day 8
Just ran
2.5 mi 23 minutes.
Scared of Lonely by Beyonce and Migrate by Mariah Carey -- great songs to run to.
Ankles were burning up -- but I trucked through it. Wore the Nike Pegasus -- gonna stick to Shox for running.
2.5 mi 23 minutes.
Scared of Lonely by Beyonce and Migrate by Mariah Carey -- great songs to run to.
Ankles were burning up -- but I trucked through it. Wore the Nike Pegasus -- gonna stick to Shox for running.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Day 7
today was emotional and heavy.
drank too much coffee.. I just felt you know for like 30 minutes I was having a panic attack. Coffee is one of those moderation rules.... moderation moderation moderation.
then my father calls and is bitching to me. details not important. I fucked up. but his belligerence to me switched me into full bitch mode. To think of how he fucked up and for him to come at me with some hypocritical shit -- i dunno sometimes small things that seem to be only about the here and the now- actually have been waiting to come up from 20 years ago. Needless to say - I was pissed.
I was so mean to my coworkers today... they all get the jokes cuz they get me and we all give it to each other... but I was saying some really gross things to one of them cuz I know she gets embarrased and I was just being bitchy cuz I wanted to and being kind of a basket case.
i didn't take care of responsibility today but I made it to the gym late at night at 9 oclock. Hate working out this late. Its so unyielding. The entire day's fuck ups and assholes and uncomfortable feelings and incidents are on your shoulders. Even if you had what felt like a good day - there are still the things you carry with you day to day weighing you down. Its hard to go through a whole routine and be on point and not feel that emotionally.
I did
4 set superset
bench press (95lbs) (12-12-12-10)
dumbell squat (bi lateral 2olbs) (12-12-12-10)
4 set superset
supine pull up (15-12-12-12)
lunge (15lbs 1st set) (10-10-10-10) (done for reps one leg at a time)
3 set super set
decline push up (feet on bench) 15-12-12-12
pull up (2 close one wide grip) 6-4-4
3 set triset
30sec. plank
10 squat thrusts
10 bicycles
I was dripping buckets. i felt like i needed to burp so bad. It doesn't seem like all that should knock you out - but it did.
I took my time and had pretty perfect form the whole time. I didn't lift too heavy or go too fast or go to slow. I timed every break between 30 seconds to 1:30 and never went past that.
I noticed a lot of the other guys at the gym look at me - themselves each other. This gym is very male oriented. Gyms I've been to usually have about 10 guys to every girl -- but some had like 3 guys to a girl but this gym has like 50 guys to 1 girl. its a meat head gym. every one is pumping hard and doing the whole lets get swole up. I get flashbacks of grade school when most all the guys picked on me for being the wonderful fagget that I was and am-- back then it didn't feel wonderful -- and I still get uncomfortable around all that testosterone. But I get a strong dose of my own and I know in my head that my knowledge of my body and fitness strength and training is so much more expansive than 98% of the poor suckers and cocky motherfuckers in there. I know I'm busting my ass and they're all walking around trying to figure out what to do next. So I don't mind that they're looking at me funny like i'm some jerk for being smaller than them. And for wearing my shorts a little higher than them- and dancing a little to my music. I get in my own zone and feel it and make the most of it. It was actually a great way to end the day -- feel released.
Music was big tonight.
Whipping Post - Allman Brothers Band
Simple Kind of Life - No Doubt
Crazy - Ray LaMontagne
Aint No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
Tusk - Fleetwood Mac
You Are the Circus I Am the Clown - have no idea the real title or artist
Good Times (I Get High) - Styles P
Start Me Up - Rolling Stones
How Much I Like It - Rihanna
The One (So So def remix) Mariah Carey
Makes Me Wanna Pray - Christina Aguilera
Lets Stay Together - Tina Turner live in Amsterdam
Here I Come - Fergie
You Got What You Wanted - Tina Turner
drank too much coffee.. I just felt you know for like 30 minutes I was having a panic attack. Coffee is one of those moderation rules.... moderation moderation moderation.
then my father calls and is bitching to me. details not important. I fucked up. but his belligerence to me switched me into full bitch mode. To think of how he fucked up and for him to come at me with some hypocritical shit -- i dunno sometimes small things that seem to be only about the here and the now- actually have been waiting to come up from 20 years ago. Needless to say - I was pissed.
I was so mean to my coworkers today... they all get the jokes cuz they get me and we all give it to each other... but I was saying some really gross things to one of them cuz I know she gets embarrased and I was just being bitchy cuz I wanted to and being kind of a basket case.
i didn't take care of responsibility today but I made it to the gym late at night at 9 oclock. Hate working out this late. Its so unyielding. The entire day's fuck ups and assholes and uncomfortable feelings and incidents are on your shoulders. Even if you had what felt like a good day - there are still the things you carry with you day to day weighing you down. Its hard to go through a whole routine and be on point and not feel that emotionally.
I did
4 set superset
bench press (95lbs) (12-12-12-10)
dumbell squat (bi lateral 2olbs) (12-12-12-10)
4 set superset
supine pull up (15-12-12-12)
lunge (15lbs 1st set) (10-10-10-10) (done for reps one leg at a time)
3 set super set
decline push up (feet on bench) 15-12-12-12
pull up (2 close one wide grip) 6-4-4
3 set triset
30sec. plank
10 squat thrusts
10 bicycles
I was dripping buckets. i felt like i needed to burp so bad. It doesn't seem like all that should knock you out - but it did.
I took my time and had pretty perfect form the whole time. I didn't lift too heavy or go too fast or go to slow. I timed every break between 30 seconds to 1:30 and never went past that.
I noticed a lot of the other guys at the gym look at me - themselves each other. This gym is very male oriented. Gyms I've been to usually have about 10 guys to every girl -- but some had like 3 guys to a girl but this gym has like 50 guys to 1 girl. its a meat head gym. every one is pumping hard and doing the whole lets get swole up. I get flashbacks of grade school when most all the guys picked on me for being the wonderful fagget that I was and am-- back then it didn't feel wonderful -- and I still get uncomfortable around all that testosterone. But I get a strong dose of my own and I know in my head that my knowledge of my body and fitness strength and training is so much more expansive than 98% of the poor suckers and cocky motherfuckers in there. I know I'm busting my ass and they're all walking around trying to figure out what to do next. So I don't mind that they're looking at me funny like i'm some jerk for being smaller than them. And for wearing my shorts a little higher than them- and dancing a little to my music. I get in my own zone and feel it and make the most of it. It was actually a great way to end the day -- feel released.
Music was big tonight.
Whipping Post - Allman Brothers Band
Simple Kind of Life - No Doubt
Crazy - Ray LaMontagne
Aint No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
Tusk - Fleetwood Mac
You Are the Circus I Am the Clown - have no idea the real title or artist
Good Times (I Get High) - Styles P
Start Me Up - Rolling Stones
How Much I Like It - Rihanna
The One (So So def remix) Mariah Carey
Makes Me Wanna Pray - Christina Aguilera
Lets Stay Together - Tina Turner live in Amsterdam
Here I Come - Fergie
You Got What You Wanted - Tina Turner
Monday, May 4, 2009
Day 5
I want it to happen right away -- that is, everything.
ok so this morning was supposed to be bootcamp. I woke up at 5:45 in his bed -- was sooo nice spending Sunday with him and of course the sex was top notch. Sucks that I didn't get much sleep but I was encouraged to get up and start the day and work out.
I get outside and its raining. Class is cancelled. I was almost tempted to go back upstairs but I said fuck it - go home get ready for work and get to the gym before hand. I commited to working out - so what that it wasn't bootcamp class.
workout consisted of:
4 set Superset
B.O.R 90lbs (bent over row) w/bar (10-10-8-6)
RDL 90lbs (romanian dead lift) w/bar (12-10-10- 8)
4 set Superset:
Incline Bench press (2 sets 90lbs - 1 set 80lbs) (12-10-8- 6)
dumbell squats 2olbs (12-12-12-10)
4 set Superset:
stationary lunges 15lbs dumbells (12-12-12-12)
pull up (close underhand grip) (6-6-4-4)
1 mile run 8:42
the run was tough --- I wanted to give up at the half mile but then Tina Turner - Simply the Best came on the Ipod and really pushed me through.
I always have this great shakey feeling at the end of a work out. my heart is pounding my knees are shaking. I'm dripping sweat. It's very close to sex.
The combination of a renewed friendship with him -- and somehow a deeper intimacy level from him - with my working out has me feeling on top of the world.
Of course I am still the fragile tulip I've always been and am feeling insecure despite having no good reason to. Here's to just taking it easy on myself and forgiving myself for wanting to text him 800 times right now and tell him how much I love him -- just because I want to doesn't mean I have to or that I should. I don't have to plan a wedding today -- I only have to be happy and be happy he's in my life someway.
more tomorrow.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Day 3
Kettle bell swing (30)
5 sets pushup/pullup varying grip
3 super- sets bench dum press/lateral dum row
3 super- sets incline bench dum press/bi lateral b.o.r dumbell
1 mile run 9:12
Did this after teaching bootcamp and went into the city to meet Cher at her studio. Love working out in a fully equipped yet private space. Allows the room to contemplate my own private studio.
Running was tough! But so worth it - tomorrow is rest and back to it on Monday
5 sets pushup/pullup varying grip
3 super- sets bench dum press/lateral dum row
3 super- sets incline bench dum press/bi lateral b.o.r dumbell
1 mile run 9:12
Did this after teaching bootcamp and went into the city to meet Cher at her studio. Love working out in a fully equipped yet private space. Allows the room to contemplate my own private studio.
Running was tough! But so worth it - tomorrow is rest and back to it on Monday
Friday, May 1, 2009
Day 2
3 miles 28:40
Ran mile 1 in under 8:40... forget exact to the second but between 8:20 and 8:40 then walked uphill until I got to the 15:00 mark and then ran whole way to 3 miles finishing 1 minute 20 seconds under a half an hour.
Felt really great to finish -- was tough around 16 - 22 minutes... my right ankle was feeling it a lot. Think it was my casual yacht shoes I wore at work all day. Very flat and not supportive. Maybe should wear running sneakers all day on running days.
Music:
Hero of the Day- Metallica
Baby Hold on to Me - Eddie Money
SexyBack - Justin Timberlake
How Much I Like It - Rihanna
All I Want for Christmas is You (SoSo Def Remix) - Mariah Carey (i'm gonna remove this from the jogging playlist - just doesn't work for jogging as brilliant as it is)
Enter Sandman - Metallica (perfect)
Out of Our Heads - Sheryl Crow (another perfect one)
Beat Goes On - Madonna (also perfect)
Ran mile 1 in under 8:40... forget exact to the second but between 8:20 and 8:40 then walked uphill until I got to the 15:00 mark and then ran whole way to 3 miles finishing 1 minute 20 seconds under a half an hour.
Felt really great to finish -- was tough around 16 - 22 minutes... my right ankle was feeling it a lot. Think it was my casual yacht shoes I wore at work all day. Very flat and not supportive. Maybe should wear running sneakers all day on running days.
Music:
Hero of the Day- Metallica
Baby Hold on to Me - Eddie Money
SexyBack - Justin Timberlake
How Much I Like It - Rihanna
All I Want for Christmas is You (SoSo Def Remix) - Mariah Carey (i'm gonna remove this from the jogging playlist - just doesn't work for jogging as brilliant as it is)
Enter Sandman - Metallica (perfect)
Out of Our Heads - Sheryl Crow (another perfect one)
Beat Goes On - Madonna (also perfect)
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