In Search of Schrodinger's Cat: Quantum Physics and Reality by John Gribbin

The Fabric of the Cosmos: Space, Time, and the Texture of Reality by Brian Greene

Einstein for the 21st Century His Legacy in Science, Art, and Modern Culture



I am not sold on the 3rd one. Its more like a survey of different achievements and mistakes Einstein made rather than a thorough analyisis of his work.

Consequences Day 400

Consequences day 400

I've been here before. no literally here in this spot. This place on the earth. Unless this earth has moved from and back to and away from again from this spot.

In the library on campus. I've been here before when I could've been in class. I woke up late and arrived on campus with 60 minutes left of lecture. I walked up to the door, I peered in the window, I saw more people than usual, less empty seats, I saw peole being interested, people being bored and I didn't want to shift the energy back on to me.

I'm a chicken.


I came to the library to write this. I looked up 4 books on Quantum Mechanics. I am like a label whore for my reading and music interests. I like to pretend to read and listen to smart people topics but I really feel so average and like an idiot. Oh well, these books are written for the non scientist so i think it will be fine.

Day 397

i go to a playlist point of view

mariah's ballads


1. Vision of Love
2. Love Takes Time
3. Hero
4. Without You
5. My All
6. We Belong Together
7. H.A.T.E.U
8. Fly Like a Bird
9. Don't Forget About Us
10. Help Me Make It Through the Night
11. Bliss
- angel prelude -
12. Slipping Away
13. Thanx 4 Nothin
14. Imperfect
15. Reflections
16. Can't Let Go
17. Anytime You Need a Friend
18. Music Box

everything i'm touching is created before and after i created it. It sits and continues to create

every moment I'm having, I already had and will always have.

not to get too heady cuz i won't be able to complete the thought tonight.
consequences... when faced with a way to my dreams, I doubt it. faced with its ever presence, i cower in its enormity marveling in its insignificance

I met a guy today who turned out to turn me upside down. But i am him? who's wiggling?



references : Radiolab.org beyond time episode

http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/episodes/2005/03/04

WNYC - Radiolab: Beyond Time (March 04, 2005)

annoying ramblings

Day 370

I tend to not read.
Such common reading materials I use, NY Times, Hemingway, Jane Austen, articles, poems, I catch in passing I tend to draw out lengthy explanations and wordy responses to original thoughts and I use a lot of words to say virtually nothing at all. Saying it in order to just announce that i will be saying something at the end of this non-incendiary statement. For what its worth the way I think, and the way I take in information can trouble me too much to the point that my emotional comprehension moves at such a rate faster than my practical comprehension that I am often drawn to move out of line wiht my own thoughts or action. Perpetual distraction .
So thats one reason I don't read.
The other is I tend to abhor the tedious drivel of most self centered narcissistic writers, such as myself and the problem is I can't seem to ignore the underlying narrative of a writer unknowingly exposing himself and his real intentions while presenting a piece of investigated, or at the very least, seriously contemplated piece of thought. I hear the intention behind their presumptions, and I'm left to recognize that every writer has to seek out evidence of the ideas they already gave birth to a thousand times over. Seeking out the brilliance of mastered words can reaffirm my own brilliance.
and here in an attempt to dispel another person's mistake in reading, I found my own fault in not doing so.
Thirdly tho I would make the point that often finding out the truth of a writer's intention can make it hard to take their shroud statement seriously. So I tend to not read highly political pieces in restraint from leaving the group to then absorb myself into an anti-group group. Political unity never gets truly examined. its always one political platform hiding behind any interest with the broadest potential market, supplanting their agenda with supportive evidence and swaying materials that support their main issue.
At the end of it, I feel like the ideas I've had in my head, that are just there as a product of the ideas that have always existed, ideas that we all share, individually our own, and collectively shared, are never fully expressed as perfectly as they are in my own head.

so i'm kind of like a one man communist nation.

from About.com

I am doing extra acts of kindness rather than giving up something.
—nganga2


Getting Drunk
I have gotten drunk nearly every weekend or week since I was about 16 years old. I will be turning 27 next month. Today is Wednesday, March 10, and it has been roughly three weeks since I had a drink. Halfway there! I DO IT FOR GOD NOT MYSELF: I will not let God down. We can all do it, and this board helped. Thank you all.
—Guest Joe


Facebook
I'm giving up Facebook for Lent! It's been hard; I went through a little withdrawal, but no big deal. I'm still going, and I'm not even counting the days.
—Guest haggard23





Lenten Sacrifice
This year I decided to approach my Lenten sacrifice differently. Instead of giving up one thing for the full 40 days, I am adding an element of spiritual growth instead. I began to read the Psalms everyday in addition to my current devotions, leading (hopefully) to more peace and a closer relationship to God. With two jobs and a number of other community and ministerial activities, my free time is extremely limited, so I will in fact be giving up things to make time for the Psalms. I can only hope that it becomes a habit, and that I continue this after Easter.
—Guest Laurie D


EWTN
I'm watching at least an hour of EWTN each night. The problem is that I like it so much it hardly seems to be a sacrifice. It was intended as a gift to God, though.
—Guest KKPG


Sometimes You Should Take Something On
Some good ideas include reading the Bible by Easter, adopting a child from a Catholic agency, or doing a daily rosary. For some people, giving up chocolate does not personally help them, so instead of Lent always being viewed as "giving something up," it can also be viewed as taking something on.
—Guest MK


Beef
I am giving up beef for Lent. It's so difficult to resist the craving for burgers, chili, meatballs, etc., when I'm out to eat. I am committed to giving them up, and it's been working out so far, although it's been very challenging. Also thinking of going back to church and taking my daughter with me every Sunday mass. I would like to start teaching her the importance of prayer and listening to God's Word.
—Guest AAB


KS Catholic


I am a convert, and I continue to be amazed at how rich and fulfilling the Catholic Church is. Lent and Easter drip with grace, and I, year after year, fail in my Lenten sacrifice(s). Already, we are two weeks into Lent, and I have not fully committed myself. I must surrender and quit procrastinating. Being obedient to my Lord must be my daily goal. Therefore, I will abstain from unhealthy foods and soda; tame my tongue (gossip, occasional swearing, verbally lashing out when angry); pay my bills on time; incorporate exercise into my life so my body can be a worthy vessel of God; go to Confession frequently; pray, meditate, and read the Bible; keep our home neat, clean, and orderly; replenish our savings; be more punctual; teach my children Catholic prayers; pray the rosary/Divine Mercy; no lying/swearing/gossiping/criticizing/grumbling, etc. Clean my heart, soul, mouth, and spirit. Bless the Blood of Christ. Less anger and disappointment. Pray for me my brothers and sisters in Christ.
—KScatholic



What We're Giving Up for Lent
Bill is giving up deserts—quite a sacrifice for him. I am giving up chocolate, to which I am quite addicted. We are giving the money we would have spent on these things plus the meat on Friday, etc., to a place that cares for the poor and homeless.
—Guest Bill and Lynn Baird


Working on Self-Denial
True self-denial is hard for me. Even amidst the fasting of Lent, I've always looked for a way to cheat. I am trying visualize Christ on the Cross and all the self-denial that took. My main goal is to keep to two small meals and one normal meal. I will be praying for others I've read about here who are trying to take control of something, be it alcohol, cursing, etc. May we all reap enormous spiritual blessings from this holy season.
—Guest Autumn


What I Decided To Give Up for Lent 2010
Well, I had a hard time to come up with one, since I have never completed a whole Lent and taken it as seriously as I am this year. I am a junior in college and wanting to do something for me. I decided to give up MySpace, Facebook, saying bad words, eating meat, and I will be a good daughter. I decided to do this because giving up MySpace and Facebook, as silly as it sounds, is really hard for me. I am so used to using them during homework, before and after I sleep, at night, etc. I also decided to not say bad words because I need to break that habit. I don't like it and I am trying to avoid that. I need to be a better daughter because I have observed myself, and I could be better. I want to be better, and I hope that through prayer and self-discipline, I can achieve this. Lastly, I have thought of becoming vegetarian and wanting to become more humble by avoiding meat. This way I can learn and value the struggles poor people go through.
—Guest Chelylicious




AlcoholI am giving up all forms of alcohol. I enjoy a glass of wine with dinner and an occasional cocktail. I am also giving up all forms of sugar/sweets. I really love Kashi bars—in fact too much, so this is a good way to get control over eating too many. I will enjoy natural forms of sugar, from fruit and maybe honey—all things God created. I am also praying to, and reading more about, God. I want to hear HIS voice instead of my own.
—Guest Kathleen



Eating and Complaining
I am giving up food for Lent. I know this one is going to be hard for me, but I know that life is not meant to be easy, and so I am going to give it my all. When I told my friends that I would be fasting for 46 days of Lent they all thought I was crazy, but I am going to give it my best shot. I am also going to try to give up my complaining. I complain on a daily basis, and I am going to give it my all not to complain because I know it could be worse.
—Guest Elizabeth




A Studious Lent
This year I've decided that I'm going to use The Artist's Way as part of my Lenten observation. I decided to go through the process for my writing, and now that I've gotten into it, I see how much it's benefiting my spiritual life as well. I'm excited for what the rest of the study will bring for my spiritual walk and my writing. In addition to that (which I don't think really "counts" because I'm already doing it on my own), I'm going to read/study Johnnette Benkovic's Full of Grace. There are eight chapters and six weeks of Lent, so if I double up two weeks' readings, it'll be perfect. I considered going through a Women of the Bible study I found online, but there are 17 lessons, so I couldn't figure out how to make it work for Lent (for me), so I'm saving it for after Easter instead. I've also decided to give up sleep. I'm going to get up earlier every day in order to spend time in prayer, get things done around the house, and get an early start to the day.
—Guest Nicole

Day 293

40 days have gone by.

and I did not think of what I gave up for lent. I think this is because LOL

sigh
eyes shift
hear a noise

scrunch up toes
close eyes
write
write
delete


i thought of it for sure. I probably thought of it the most when I was stuffing my face with bread and butter - the object of my lenten vow to abstain. I couldn't hear the promise I made to an imaginary God. The promise to not consume bread and butter, and to foolishly scoff that it would be an appropriate and feasible behavior. I feel like God and those who are faithful (rolling eyes) get a good chuckle over my attempt to mock something thats been around longer than I could ever bare. But here I am - doing such. I thought of bread and butter and what it meant to me. the crunch of the toast and butter gliding across every fiber of bread hitting my back teeth and gums awakening every sensory nerve attached to comfort and peace.
I thought of bread and butter in the in between moments of regret from, and anticipation to, ultimatley eating again -- bread and butter. Whether fresh from the oven or cooled by the warm breeze and cracked on the outside, with its gooey center still melting in your mouth, salted room temperature butter


I don't really want to resign myself to write about butter right now. I'm supposed to be channeling my train of thought to reveal something important or powerful that I can use to get me the fuck out of my own head. How is that I am going to accopmlish that .... get out of my own head by compartmentalizing and dissecting each thought process that I have and basically staying in my head.

but bread is good. its better with butter. and i chose to not eat bread and butter together at all during lent. turns out I didn't eat it about 1/3 of the time - the rest of the time - basking in the magical glow of simultaneous bliss and guilt --

And today - I was compelled to come to this vague and often underused and almost sarcastically thought of blog of mine and write anything. I counted the days since I last was on as I have been doing, and it has been 40 days.

I have to go look it up but...yep I was right - Ash Wed was Feb 17 - so today is the 39th day. I already ate bread and butter today with an egg over as easy as a whore on tina.

1/3 of the time actually proves to be somewhat of a success - but who am I kidding - I see this promise to God and promise to my psyche to try to figure it all out and be good and faithful without ever wanting to give up, I see this promise, and I see it as insurmountable more than I had given myself credit for.


Why today and not once in any of the 40 days had I not written here?


Someone else who's written is going to have to help me now cuz I can not sit here and figure any other stuff out ...




music:
none